Fridays At Five Series Concludes With Alec Baldwin's 'A Promise To Ourselves'

By Douglas Harrington

The crowd gathers for the Baldwin book signing following the finale of the 2009 Fridays At Five series. Photos by Douglas Harrigton

Bridgehampton - Few East End celebrities give more of their summer over to good causes than Alec Baldwin, he is literally everywhere. On Friday, Aug. 21 he brought the summer-long Fridays At Five writers series in support of the Hampton Library to a very successful close with a discussion and signing of his first book, "A Promise To Ourselves."

Book jacket for "A Promise To Ourselves." Image courtesy of St. Martins Press

Although a hugely successful series, this appeared to be the largest crowd of the summer, whose authors have included Peter Matthessien, Jennet Conant, Julie Andrews, and Alan Furst, among others.

Written with the help of Mark Tabb, "A Promise To Ourselves" was certainly not an easy book for Baldwin to write, as it details the contentious divorce and child custody battle that ensued for several years between he and his ex-wife actress Kim Basinger. Upon reading the book it was immediately clear that this was not an indictment of his ex-wife, but the family court system in general and the California family court system in particular.

The opening lines set the tone for the entire story, "I never wanted to write this book. Although my experiences with judges, lawyers and court ordered therapists during my own high conflict divorce proceedings left me outraged over the injustices I believe are endemic to the family law system in our society, I had no desire to revisit them."

Alec Baldwin signs copies of his first book, "A Promise To Ourselves."

Scheduled during the only heat wave of an unusually mild Hamptons' summer, Baldwin opened his remarks to the packed auditorium by acknowledging how he was looking forward to, like them, "a cool air-conditioned room," drawing a round of laughter. The best we could all hope for was the occasional cross breeze from the open doors of the non-air conditioned community house.

Reaffirming that it was not a book he wanted to write, but was compelled to write, Baldwin said, "I wanted to paint a picture about a system, it is not a memoir." And paint a picture he has of a system that, according to Baldwin, "Is controlled by the lawyers, not the judges. The judges are terrified of the law firms." He described a system that perpetuates the interests of the lawyers, not necessarily the litigants themselves. A system where the selection of the "court appointed" family psychologist is not really a selection made by the courtl, but agreed upon by the attorneys based on previous litigious success with a particular list of therapists that the lawyers present the judge from which to choose.

Baldwin eloquently took the audience through the various flaws and failures of a system that he painfully experienced first hand during his one hour presentation, which was followed by a question and answer session.

Collaterally, Baldwin also spoke of the new role of men in the upbringing of children. "When I was growing up, men didn't want that kind of input. Now, a father's involvement in the raising of his children is part of his identity," he asserted.
Baldwin suggested that some early feminism-driven legislation, albeit overdue and needed, has inadvertently adversely affected the ability of parents to share in the custody and upbringing of the children of divorce. Actively involved in the "Shared Parenting Movement," Baldwin stated, "Children need two perspectives on life."

At one point, as the the conversation turned to the state of love, romance and marriage, he asked the audience to give him some advice on what makes a successful relationship, joking that it might be the subject of his next book. This lent itself to some very humorous repartee between the author and members of the audience, with Baldwin suggesting chapter titles based on some of the advice he was getting from the crowd, "Endurance? Okay, that will be chapter two."

All humor aside, Baldwin is serious in his attempt to change what he sees as the antiquated and unfair practices that constitute the American family court system. With all the causes he renders important, he has brought his full passion to this activism. "A Promise To Ourselves" may have been a book he did not want to write, but it is book that anyone who has been through divorce and child custody proceedings should consider reading.