Southampton - Steven P. Cohen, a skilled negotiator based outside of Boston, tells a story about his recent decision to buy a car. He made a low-ball offer to the dealer and the dealer wanted to know what he would get in return. "Why do you want to buy from me?" the dealer asked. "Because I like your dealership, admire your business and I want to do the deal with you," Cohen replied. The dealer was pleased with the answer and the deal was struck, at Cohen's price.

Steven P. Cohen advises - appeal to the other person's interests. (Images courtesy of Cohen/Camp/Brokers)

The moral of this story? "The dealer didn't want to give it away for free but wanted something in return. He wanted to feel good about his business," Cohen said.

Negotiation is about emotion and, sometimes, ego. In a negotiation, Cohen said, you have to appeal to the other person's interests as well as your own, while recognizing that your own interests are the most important. The same is true about negotiating price in a house sale.

"In any negotiation, a seller's or buyer's number one job is to assess their own interest. This works for real estate and it works for buying a toothbrush," Cohen said. "Once you've assessed your interest - is this good for me or is this bad for me - never, never, never say anything that is contrary to an interest of yours. Once you do, your interest is lost forever."

Also, he said, never make a concession without getting a reward. "There are two different approaches to negotiation," he said. "The first is called distributed bargaining, which is a zero-sum game in which there is a winner and loser. Then there is integrative bargaining, which is collaboration in the decision making process."

James Camp recommends you understand your own needs.

Cohen, a former Washington lobbyist, prefers the latter. "The zero sum game is not the best way in anything unless you're buying a Rolex in the subway for five bucks," he said. In real estate, there is a time between shaking hands on the deal and the closing. You have a relationship with the buyer or seller and negotiating collaboratively means you are negotiating in good faith.

Cohen's business is the Negotiation Skills Company, of Pride's Crossing, MA, which he started in 1991. He teaches large companies negotiation skills for business. He has also written a book, "Negotiating Skills for Managers," which came out in 2002.

Another negotiator, skilled in business decisions, is James Camp, whose business is Camp Negotiating Systems, based in Vero Beach, FL. Camp believes the most important thing when starting negotiations is to understand your own needs. "What is your mission and purpose in the sale of your home? You have to dig deeply to flesh that out," he said.

Camp, who is something of a contrarian in negotiating, doesn't believe in compromise negotiation. The titles of his books are telling: "Start with No" for businesses and "No: The Only System Of Negotiation You Need For Work and Home" for the consumer.

"So many people are afraid of the word 'no.' They don't have a grasp of what 'no' means. For a professional negotiator, "no" is nothing more than a decision to be changed," he said.

Starting out a negotiation with 'no' means you are maintaining the status quo, he said. That gives you an opportunity to evaluate the situation.

Tom MacNiven urges that all parties work with the same data.

While some negotiators advise clients to hold their own information close to the vest, Camp says it is smart to disclose information and be transparent. For example, the buyer might disclose exactly what they can afford. "Negotiating in a transparent fashion means you can get there if you have the tools.''

Both Camp and Cohen agree that there is no win-win in negotiations. Someone will always be less happy than the other.

"Successful negotiation is a process that leads to an agreement that each party will willingly fulfill," said Cohen. "That doesn't say everyone is happy. It means they are accepting of it, and OK with it."

And what is the role of the broker in negotiations? "A thorough and experienced agent will provide each party with documented facts such as relevant comparable sales, tax information and closing costs.

In addition, it helps to have a reliable network of professionals - lawyers, home inspection services, contractors and service people. Speculation can be suicide when it comes to repair or remediation of a perceived problem. Leave it to the experts. If all parties in a negotiation are working with the same data an agent has a better shot at bringing about a meeting of the minds," said Tom MacNiven,
senior managing director of sales, East Hampton Prudential Douglas Elliman Real Estate.

When negotiating, MacGiven advises, sellers need to realize that it's not 2007 anymore and buyers need to know that not everything they see on the Internet or read in the press is relevant to their purchase.

For more information go to www.negotiationskills.com, or www.startwithno.com.