If you gals are trying to gage whether a man is truly interested here are a few signs to look for. And for guys, if you're really looking to win over the woman of your dreams, pay attention.
If you get flowers from a man you know he's thinking, "I really like you and want to impress you," until of course you've been in a relationship for a long time in which case flowers mean, "I really ****ed up. I'm sorry." It takes effort to get your address, find a florist who wouldn't dream of using a carnation in a bouquet, and dish out a pretty penny so that when you see the arrangement you go wow. Along with the surprise factor, the added bonus of having flowers delivered is the newfound respect of the woman's co-workers, roommates, girlfriends, or family. Their first reaction is - what a great guy! Be careful of the overdo factor, however, as one man sent a hundred roses to his new love interest who wasn't that interested and freaked out.
CELL PHONE ETIQUETTE
When a guy is really into you he will take your cell phone call whenever possible if only to tell you that he can't talk now and will call you later, and then does. So gals if he doesn't respond to your ID don't block it and call back - he will probably be onto the ruse, and it makes you look desperate. If you get the chance, see how he's named you on his contact list. Is there any hint of familiarity or affection? Are you Debra Smith
Another good sign is when he will not answer his cell when he's at dinner with you. Guys, I guarantee you she won't be impressed with how important you are that everyone is calling, she will simply be annoyed. One woman I know was so upset by her date taking calls during dinner which clearly were not life and death matters that she took her own cell phone and dropped it into the water glass saying, "When I'm with you - you're all that matters." Of course this was an old cell phone, not her real one, designed for just such a purpose.
In the modern world, the one commodity that is always in limited supply is time. One of the sexiest things a man can say is, "I want to find a way to spend more time with you." If you notice him willing to be late for work because he just can't tear himself from your side in the morning, or he takes time away from other scheduled sports activities, meetings, friends, or family gatherings to make sure he can see you, you know he's smitten. It's far too easy to take out our palm pilots and make a date two weeks from Tuesday. And if you're always the Friday night date, not the Saturday night date, he has a secret. Either he's married or a waiter.
RESPECTING YOUR NO
Even though there is little social stigma attached to jumping into bed on the first date
, it denies you the opportunity to build emotional intimacy, trust, and a pulsing sense of anticipation first. If you're just starting to date a man and you make it clear that you'd like to wait for those very reasons and he totally respects that and still wants to see you, he's thinking of you as more than one night stand material. Different people have different definitions of what an appropriate waiting time might be. It may be three dates, three months, or more.
The reality is that sexual chemistry is important in a relationship so at some point you want to discover if it's there or not. And when you do, another sign of a guy who's really into you is that he will be willing and ready to discuss and practice safe sex. It's healthy emotionally and physically and amazingly, statistically, is almost always brought up by the woman.
GOING OUTSIDE THE COMFORT ZONE
Men like their space, routines, friends, and favorite brand of beer. If they are willing to adventure into unknown or uncomfortable spaces, they are doing it sheerly because they really like you, not because they want to expand their horizons. The pure meat and potatoes guy who's willing to go to the vegetarian restaurant because it's your favorite or walk your aging incontinent toy poodle because you're going to be late getting home from work are not altruists but suitors trying to win you over.
When they want to spend time with your mother (besides checking out how you're going to age) or attend feminist performance art or watch reruns of Sex And The City
, they are trying to tell you, "See I'm an evolved guy - not some Cro Magnon Man." The real sign of true love is when not only will they run out to buy you tampons, they know if you're slender regular or super plus.
IT'S OKAY TO CRY
As long as this is not a manipulative play on your part to try to guilt a guy into staying with you but a true expression of some heartfelt sorrow and his response is to hold you and let you wipe your runny nose on his sleeve, he really cares about you. If he looks at you and your smearing mascara that are making you resemble a raccoon and is not so subtly checking out every emergency exit this is not a good sign.
It is easy for a man to be with you when you are beautiful, witty, confident, on top of the world, and effortless to please. When you are having a moment, as we all do, as long as it is not every day, where you feel down, defeated, less than perfect, and sad about some aspect of the world and he is willing to sit with you in that feeling without trying to fix it or put you on Prozac, you've got a keeper.
HE KNOWS YOU
Long ago the Newlywed Game proved that a man's desire for a woman could be quantifiably measured by answering questions about how well he really knows her. This can range from knowing how you take your coffee in the morning to your aversion to spicy food to understanding your complex relationship with adults dressed in animal costumes due to a Disney
World gone bad incident.
Does he know not to make Pasta Putanesca because you hate olives? That mint-chip is your favorite ice cream? That kissing your neck in one spot behind your ear drives you crazy? Your bra size? Does he remember the name of your boss's spouse or your favorite store to get you a gift certificate or that little romantic inn you mentioned once in passing?
Men are trained to talk about themselves and their wants and desires. Women are the more subtle gender. Some of their most dearly held hopes, desires, and dreams are not ones that they broadcast widely. So a man who takes the time to know you - really and truly know you (in more than the Biblical sense) - is clearly that into you.