Science has confirmed what women have known for centuries – namely that a broken heart is a real physical affliction. A groundbreaking study at Johns Hopkins published in the New England Journal of Medicine in 2005 found that emotional shock could trigger sudden heart failure that did not follow the normal path of a classic heart attack.

Researchers called this stress cardiomyopathy or the "broken heart syndrome." What they discovered is that extreme emotional stress, such as the death of a spouse, can trigger large amounts of catecholamines such as adrenaline in the blood stream and the chemicals stun the heart leading to symptoms such as chest pain, shortness of breath, and heart failure. The patients in the study who were middle aged or elderly women, however, did not have the artery blockage or heightened cardiac enzymes associated with a heart attack. They also had a far faster recovery rate and without permanent damage to the heart muscle, being perfectly well within a few days or weeks.

Cry it all out, just take your time.

The brain is also just as much involved as the heart in terms of the emotional stress of a break up. Neuro-psychiatrist Louann Brizendine has conducted brain-imaging studies which show that there is a true biochemical component to a broken heart. She reports, "Rejection, it turns out, actually hurts like physical pain because it triggers the same circuits in the brain." When the love surges of dopamine and oxytocin which produce a real "high" are withdrawn it can lead to depression in the jilted lover.

So what does science tell us about how we should handle a broken heart? Namely that the feelings have a true physical basis and just like any other sickness it is one where you need to be treated with special care. Here are a few of the recommended remedies.

IT'S MY BREAK UP SO I'LL CRY IF I WANT TO

Taking the time to grieve is immensely important. Forget trying to go on as if nothing has happened. Don't put your chin up. Don't put on a happy face. Don't just get right back in the saddle. Build in alone time, cry until your eyes are all puffy, and listen to Dido for hours on end. Each person's time frame for this mourning period will be unique to them but getting over a major relationship in less than a week and still sleeping with your ex's dirty sock under your pillow after six months are both scary in different ways. Do stay connected with friends and family so that an extended isolation doesn't descend into a full blown depression.

ACKNOWLEDGE THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE UGLY

When friends tell you how great it is that you finally broke up with that jerk/bitch, this is entirely unhelpful. Unless it was a truly destructive, dysfunctional relationship there was probably something good in the relationship which kept you tied in. The key in taking the stroll down memory lane is to remember the wonderful times you shared but also the times of conflict which caused great distress. When you think of the cute way he woke you up each morning with a kiss and coffee just as you like it, also remember when he stood you up at your parent's anniversary party because he was out drinking with the guys. If we exalt or demonize the other person, we lose the opportunity to learn from our part in the relationship. Unless it was an imaginary lover, it took two to tango. Take the time to reflect on the best in yourself that your partner brought out as well as the worst and this will give you something to work on before the next time around.

A good argument will make you feel much better.

LET IT ALL OUT

While processed food is bad, processed thought is good. There's a good reason fights are called fights and not debates or enlightened discussions. Our verbal skills are often diminished by emotion and when we mean to say, "It has come to my attention that you seem unhappy with me lately and many of my actions and since you are unwilling to discuss this rationally between us or with the help of a couples' counselor I feel discouraged in reaching a mutually desirable path to intimacy and rewarding love," it comes out instead as, "It was one god damned meat loaf that I ruined that you're making a federal offense out of, and if you weren't such a lazy pig you might get your ass off the couch and get a real job so I didn't have to wear the skirt and the pants in this relationship!"

We do need a repository for all of our hurt and anger and it is important to get it out. Some therapists advise writing a letter – or a book if you've got a lot to say – and getting all your emotions down on paper with no censorship or interruption. They also then advise not to send it to the offending party. The sheer act of saying your peace has value in and of itself. Unfortunately, the other person may not be able to hear you, no matter how eloquent you may be and that may have been one reason for the break up.

RECLAIM YOURSELF

When you are part of a couple you are always to some extent compromising on what you want to do, when, and how. When that dyad breaks up, all of your time and energy resorts back to you. Let's say you start with 100 units of energy each day. If the conflict in your relationship was draining you of 40 of those units each day, you had a starting point of 60%. Even if you are still devoting 20% to mourning the break up you're still starting at 80% and can use the extra time, space, and energy to fulfill some of your own dreams.

To be active and learn something new is a great antidote to depression. Is there a sport you always wanted to try? Physical activity promotes a flow of endorphins which literally lift the spirit. Did your partner used to scoff at you when you said you wanted to go back to school to study veterinary acupuncture? Now is the time to fulfill your dream with no negative thoughts around it. And better yet, when you do feel ready to date again, you may find someone with similar interests.

Get out of bed and become your best you that you can be.

DON'T LET THE BAD GUYS OR GALS WIN

Time and a positive attitude will be your best friends and with a good dose of both, and perhaps a few self help books or hours in therapy, you will be ready to take another chance on love. Bitterness ages us and creates sharp edges which discourage closeness. Stay true to yourself and your core values and seek out those who reflect that back. And do dare to love again.

There is a wonderful passage by C.S. Lewis about the nature of the human heart:
"If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even an animal. Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket of your own selfishness. But in that casket – safe, dark, motionless, airless – it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, and irredeemable. The alternative to tragedy, or at least the risk of tragedy, is damnation."

So if you are going through a heart break remember it is a physically real event and you need to take care of yourself: honor your emotions, process them, and find a positive way back to the world when you are ready.