So there I was in the lobby of the Palm Restaurant looking for a filmmaker I was supposed to interview when I noticed a very attractive man with perfect confidence and ease. I smiled. He smiled back. I asked if he was attending the film festival and he said no, just waiting for his sister and her husband. We struck up a conversation and I discovered he used to be a journalist as well. "I bet you stopped because you decided you needed to make money," I said. He laughed and said yes he was now in banking and lived in the city but had a house out here. When his sister arrived her little girls were clearly enamored with their uncle and he swung them up into the air. He asked if there was anything fun going on out here later. Hold the phone. Handsome, banker, nice, good with kids – hello – wouldn't he just be inundated with options? What stylish rock had he been hiding under?

The case in point is that there are great people out here who want to meet each other but don't know exactly how to go about it. Social groups tend to move in concentric circles and there isn't nearly enough cross pollination. Especially at a certain age, you may find that your friends are married with kids or you've checked out all the available prospects and didn't find anyone who tickled your fancy. So what do you do to find someone new?

DITCH THE USUAL SUSPECTS

I know you love your group of good friends and your favorite hangouts. I do too. However, if you really want to meet new people you have to step off your own beaten path. You'd think the way some people act in the Hamptons that you need a passport to travel from one hamlet to the other. It's just not that far to venture from Amagansett to Southampton or vice versa, especially in the off season. If you're a Red Bar regular in Southampton spend a Saturday night at Cittanuova in East Hampton. Or if you've only gone out late night at the Cigar Bar in Sag Harbor, try a Friday happy hour at the Publick House in Southampton. Shake it up. Make it a point to hit Pierre's in Bridgehampton for Sunday night jazz or free sushi Thursday night at Bamboo in East Hampton.

While going out on the town with your entourage is great fun, the truth of the matter is that you will be forced to meet new people if you venture out alone or maybe with one other person. Groups can be intimidating so be brave and put yourself out there solo. If you're shy, this is your time to put on a mask and be someone else – literally. Check out the Halloween parties at the Publick House in Southampton or Rowdy Hall in East Hampton on October 31st – eat, drink, dance, and build a mystery.

LET'S GET PHYSICAL

Many people simply aren't attracted to the thought of meeting someone in a bar. The great thing about engaging in physical activity as a means to broaden your social network is that at the end of the day if you don't meet anyone interesting, you've still had a good work out. Again, change your routine. If you normally go to the gym in Sag Harbor, take a class in East Hampton or at the Omni in Southampton. It is important however to be aware of your level of perspiration. If you are a "glower" and just look healthy that's fine. Those who would describe themselves as "flop sweaters" might not want to use the gym as a potential love connection breeding ground.

Some of the most beautiful people inside and out practice yoga. And at this time of year two studios are offering the bargain of $40 for a month of unlimited classes to new students -- Mandala Yoga in Amagansett Square (mandalayoga.com) and Minardi Training and Route 114 Yoga in East Hampton (minarditraining.com) which even has surfers yoga. As an added bonus the practice of yoga enhances the libido, increasing blood flow and decreasing stress. And all that flexibility. Ommmmmm. If you're brand new don't hesitate to ask which classes are most appropriate for you.

As the weather gets colder outside you can also move inside to East Hampton Indoor Tennis. Can you say luv – luv. You don't need to be a member to take lessons or classes which are offered both individually and as group clinics based on skill level. As your confidence level grows sign up for mixed doubles. Call 631-537-8012 for more information.

MIND OVER MATTER

We are lucky enough to live in a community which values art. Local art galleries open their doors to the public and host receptions where you can see exciting new artists and talk with them about their work. Throw in free wine, a few canapés, a well dressed crowd, and you have a great opportunity to meet someone. Your conversation starter is right in front of you on the wall. Remember to be positive – "What a great use of color," is a far better opener than "My five year old could have done better than this, especially with all the money I have to pay my ex for that frigging new age kindergarten." Group shows are especially interesting as you can see more than one artist's work and they tend to draw all of the different artists' friends. Check out The Drawing Room group show of six artists on Saturday Nov. 4 from 5 – 7 at 16R Newtown Lane in East Hampton (drawingroom-gallery.com).

If you're interested in the environment, then head out to Buckley's Pub in Southampton to meet your fellow nature lovers when the The Group For The South Fork hosts a party there November 1st – you can even win cash prizes for answering quiz questions correctly. They also host a number of nature walks and tours so check out their schedule (groupforthesouthfork.org).

It is also well worth your while to get the Ross School Community Programs catalogue where you can take classes in anything from fencing to Italian to photography to astrology. These can be absolute life savers in the winter and help you kick your chardonnay and "The Bachelor Rome" addiction (www.ross.org).

ATTITUDE ADJUSTMENT

Sometimes the problem isn't meeting someone new, it's you. This is the deal with your own baggage lecture. Before you even think about putting on the lip gloss or cologne, spend a little time in self analysis. Find a therapist, buy a self-help book, meditate, or just jot down your past relationships and what went wrong. If the only pattern you've ever noticed is herringbone next to plaid, it's time to stop and reflect. Dealing with your past allows you to open the door to your future. Insisting that you want a relationship when deep down you think they're just going to screw you over or saying that you're ready to date when you still sleep with your ex's dirty sock under your pillow is just as bad as smeared mascara or a bad comb over.

You also have to be realistic about your expectations. Matchmaker Lisa Ronis finds her initial coaching almost always includes getting her clients past superficial concerns to make deeper connections. After all there are no guarantees in life. Models can get fat and hedge fund managers can lose money.

Most of all you have to believe. Some people find true love after a massive online dating campaign worthy of a congressional candidate and others literally bump into "the one" on the street. But one of the very best tools in your dating arsenal is right here - Hamptons.com.

Just surf the site to see all the great events going on year-round with all the contact information at your fingertips. Then take the leap. And be sure to put that welcoming smile on your face because you never know who you'll meet. Happy Hunting!