East Hampton - Down a long dirt driveway off of Springs Fireplace Road, H. David Wilt sips iced coffee from a straw at the kitchen table of the home he shares with his long-time partner, Dr. Charles "Chuck" Hitchcock. Pictures of Wilt and Hitchcock dot the walls, chronicling a lifetime together. The first, a shot of the two laughing at a friend's wedding in Washington, DC, some 30 years ago, and beneath it, a posed shot of just the two of them, more recent, in a warm embrace.

This year, the couple is celebrating their 40th anniversary, having met each other in the late 1960s, and eventually falling in love.

Gov. David Paterson introduced the same-sex legislation on April 16, surrounded by government officials. Photo courtesy of Governor David Paterson's office.

"You just don't think of 40 years in the future," Wilt mused when asked if he knew that he and Hitchcock would be together as long as they have. He recounted a memory of his grandparents' 60th wedding anniversary, and how he wondered if anyone could imagine "seeing the same face on the other side of the pillow" every morning. "You hope that things are going to work," he explained. "We were very fortunate."

Now, the two men find themselves living in a state on the brink of legalizing same-sex marriage, something unheard of when they first got together. As more and more states continue to recognize and accept gay marriage - including Vermont, Iowa, Connecticut, Massachusetts and Maine - it's easy for the two men to see that times have certainly changed.

The Politics Of It
On Tuesday, May 12, the New York State Legislature voted 89 to 52 in favor of the bill legalizing same-sex marriage, which was introduced by New York State Governor David Paterson in April.

"Marriage equality is about basic civil rights and personal freedom," Governor Paterson asserted the day the bill was introduced. "Too many individuals face legal discrimination every single day. Too many loving families do not receive the legal recognition they deserve. Anyone who has ever faced intolerance of any kind knows the solemn importance of protecting the rights of all people."

So far, Vermont, Iowa, Connecticut, Massachusetts and Maine have all legalized same-sex marriage - Vermont and Maine's decisions determined by their state legislatures. In New Hampshire, officials are still considering their own legislation.

Assemblyman Fred Thiele voted "no" to same-sex marriage in 2007, but changed his vote this time around.

In New York, the proposed bill specifies the state's Domestic Relations Laws, which do not explicitly allow or prohibit the marriage of same-sex couples, despite a 2005 case in the New York Court of Appeals (Hernandez v. Robles) which limited marriage to couples of the opposite sex. If passed, same-sex couples would be afforded all the same rights as married men and women, including insurance and healthcare coverage, inheritance and ownership rights.

While this legislation is receiving a lot of backing from New York lawmakers, a bill affording the same right to gay couples was defeated in the State Legislature in 2007, passing in the Assembly, but dying in the Senate. Local Assemblyman Fred Thiele (R-Sag Harbor) voted "no" in the 2007 vote, stating recently that it was his belief that the state's allowance of civil unions would afford same-sex couples the same rights as their married counterparts.

Earlier this month, Thiele asserted that his own research showed that this was not the case, and after "grappling" with the decision for a few weeks, the assemblyman changed his vote.

"The only way to ensure equality is by giving all couples access to the same civil right - the right to marry," Thiele asserted in a statement. "As I reflected on this issue, there simply was no justification for a 'no' vote. I could not look into the eyes of friends and colleagues I have known for decades and tell them they were not entitled to the same pursuit of happiness as me because of their sexual orientation."

The bill now sits in the State Senate's Judiciary Committee, where it has been since April 22. Senate Majority Leader Malcolm A. Smith (D-14th) has vowed that the Senate vote on the bill will not happen unless Democrats have the votes to get it passed. While local Assemblyman Thiele was in support of the bill, he said he does not agree with Smith's stance.

"That's a silly position to take," the assemblyman asserted. "Let the public know where their representatives stand. You don't have to have a predetermined outcome on every bill."

Changing Times
As the government mulls over the idea of same-sex marriage, Wilt and Hitchcock mull over the ways in which attitudes have changed toward same-sex couples.

Hitchcock, a former Dean of Southampton College, said that his coming out with partner Wilt was precipitated by a "snafu."

Hitchcock, a former professor and dean of Southampton College, recounted how he once taught a class on "deviant behaviors," which focused on homosexuality alongside violence and more specifically, sex violence. Over time, the class renamed the course to "variant behaviors."

Hitchcock and Wilt's own coming out, as they tell it, was a "snafu" precipitated by the president of Southampton College, who invited the pair as a couple to a dinner party being held. "It has turned out to be a very open community for us," Wilt offered. "Those that didn't know - it didn't matter."

In the late-1970s, Hitchcock and Wilt were two of the founding members of the East End Gay Organization (EEGO), a lesbian, gay, bisexual and transgender grass roots community group devised to protect social rights. As Hitchcock recalled, it was the first organization on the East End where lesbians and gay men could meet and discuss their lives with each other. "Many of them had not had contact among gender lines," he explained. "They didn't know a lot about themselves."

According to Hitchcock, over the years the membership of EEGO peaked to number as much as 900 men and women, though much of the community was lost to AIDS. He estimates that EEGO has approximately 600 members now, a hefty following considering the East End has become more accepting to gay and lesbian lifestyles since its inception.

In the mid-1980s, Hitchcock fought to gain the Democratic nomination for the first district's congressional seat. After losing that nomination, he became the first openly-gay candidate to gain a nomination for a New York State governmental office, earning a bid for the State Assembly. He then turned to the town of East Hampton's Zoning Board of Appeals, and now works with the United Nations. Wilt currently chairs the town's Architectural Review Board, in addition to working in interior design and childcare.

Five years ago, the couple celebrated their 35th anniversary with a commitment ceremony at a friend's home in East Hampton. Rep. Tim Bishop (D-1st) attended the ceremony. Shortly after, Hitchcock and Wilt were one of the first gay couples to have their "wedding" announcement featured in the New York Times society wedding pages.

"I don't know exactly what the word marriage means," Wilt said, "it was more about the commitment."

But even after a lifetime together, Hitchcock and Wilt understood that legal parameters beyond their control could keep them from each other, particularly in times of dire need. "Civil unions don't carry the same kind of protections," Hitchcock offered, noting that friends of the couple have been greatly affected by not being afforded healthcare, insurance and visitation rights when their partner became sick. "We would like the same rights that heterosexuals do."

To stave off these troubles, Hitchcock and Wilt have officially made themselves one another's legal guardian.

Another Side
It seems that the majority of those opposed to the passage of same-sex marriage bills across the country do so because of their individual beliefs, whether it be due to religious teachings or simply personal conscience. Here on the East End, local clergy members say that their congregations stand by their churches' beliefs, while still being accepting.

"The church's position is that marriage should be between a man and a woman," asserted Rev. Jeffrey Madley of the Sacred Hearts of Jesus and Mary Parish in Southampton. "They're not discriminatory, but they hold to the position of the church."

"I would be in favor of civil unions that also apply benefits," added Rev. Joseph Mirro of the Immaculate Conception Parish in Westhampton Beach, "not only for homosexual couples, but couples who live together and have children."

Within the proposed bill, a section is dedicated to specifying that clergy members are entitled to refuse to marry a same-sex couple, should that marriage go against the particular clergy members' beliefs. This specification ultimately makes allowances for different beliefs, however the section does not specify that any other justices of the peace be afforded this same option.

"Priests are excused from performing if it's against their beliefs," Rev. Mirro posed. "Justices of the peace should be excused, if it's against their conscience."

But religion and spirituality may not be the only reasons for frowning on the push to legalize gay marriage. According to Ken Alan, present co-chair of EEGO, even the gay community is somewhat split on the topic.

"There is a group that seems to feel that 'that's not us. It's conformity,'" he asserted. Then, "there is a judgment on those not getting married."

Gov. David Paterson at the 2008 NYC Gay Pride Parade. Image courtesy of bloggy nyc

According to Alan, his organization maintains that the decision to marry or not to marry is still a choice that every person has to make for themselves, even if the same-sex marriage bill should pass. While there are younger couples who may want to take advantage of the new law, he said, there are older couples who have "survived and protected relationships," not needing the marriage title to confirm their commitment. And, while there may be older couples who have waited their whole lives to marry their same-sex partners, there may be younger couples who see it as compliance with convention. "It should be a choice," Alan continued. "It should be an option."

Marriage And Commitment
Although Wilt and Hitchcock both say they have friends of all different perspectives and backgrounds, they were hard-pressed to find an example of any kind of discrimination from the community they have taken as their own. "People have accepted us so much," Wilt offered. "We don't know of anyone that would be that anti-gay marriage."

As Hitchcock and Wilt recount their life together, it is clear that it has been a speckled one, forged by the gold bands both men wear on the ring finger of their left hands. As Wilt puts it, "it's hard work, but it's worth it."

"I don't know exactly what the word marriage means," he continued. "It's a legal term. [For me] it's more about the commitment."