Southampton - Remember last summer when Bill Clinton famously married Representative Anthony D. Weiner and Huma Abedin at Oheka Castle? Not all couples can have such a luminary presiding over their wedding vows. But while many are perfectly content saying their "I do's" in front of an ordained minister, priest or rabbi at their place of worship, there's no reason why you can't hand-pick the person who will marry you, if so you desire.

Make your wedding ceremony personal and warm, and guests will always remember it. (Courtesy Photo: Alan Abrams Photography)

For their May wedding at the Queens Botanical Gardens, for example, Rachel Bauder and Paul Ashton wanted someone special presiding over their nuptials. Neither of them prescribes to any particular religion, but "we still wanted a ceremony to celebrate our relationship and we wanted to share that with the people we love," Bauder says. So they scouted around for a licensed wedding officiant to marry them.

Says ordained interfaith minister and wedding officiant, Rev. Dawn E. Shedrick of Abundant Bliss Ceremonies, based in Brentwood, for couples, "the most common reasons for retaining an officiant is that they come from different religious or spiritual backgrounds, they want a highly personalized ceremony, they may not be affiliated with a specific church or they want a civil or spiritual ceremony."

Bauder and Ashton called upon Gerald Fierst, who presides over weddings all over the tri-state area, including Long Island. They found him on the internet. An online search is a good starting point, and wedding directories such as WeddingWire.com and OneWed.com often include officiant listings. But a direct referral is best, says metaphysician, ordained minister and spiritual counselor Rev. Dr. Beverly Boyarsky of Beacon of Light Ministry in North Babylon. Ask for recommendations from friends, friends of friends, relatives and co-workers who have recently gotten married, but also ask your other wedding vendors - the venue, florist, photographer and videographer. Of course, if you are working with a wedding planner, she would be the first person to ask for a referral. Once you've narrowed down a list of potential officiants in the area, be sure you have a face-to-face meeting, as that's the only way to determine if you, as a couple, mesh with him/her.

Couples who do opt out of religious weddings can still have a special and spiritual ceremony. (Courtesy Photo: Alan Abrams Photography)

"Choosing the right person to perform a wedding ceremony is one of the most important decisions a couple will make during the wedding planning process," explains Rev. Dr. Boyarsky. The "right" officiant will create a personal, intimate, warm and often spiritual ceremony tailor-made for the couple. That requires an investment in time.

Rabbi Gloria Milner, who performs many interfaith weddings on Long Island, makes it a point to research and learn about the bride and groom's commonalities and family traditions, when creating their ceremonies. The payoff is warm and highly engaging wedding ceremonies that are memorable to everyone involved.

Communicating specific desires and then determining if the officiant can accommodate these requests is key to a successful ceremony, and there are numerous questions that will need to be answered:

 • Is the officiant legally empowered (licensed in New York State) to marry the couple?
 • Will the officiant write a personal ceremony specifically for the couple?
 • How flexible is the officiant in regard to special requests?
 • Will the officiant provide a written contract?
 • And of course, what does the officiant charge for the service?

This last item is an important point because fees can run the gamut, ranging on Long Island from $275 to $600. The price of the ceremony generally includes the time to design, refine and perform the ceremony, as well as travel time for the officiant.

When searching for an officiant, it's a good idea to shop around, but this is not the time to look for bargains. Cautions Rev. Dr. Boyarsky, "Remember, you get what you pay for!" And what you want to pay for is someone who is not only qualified to perform your ceremony, but who will make your wedding come to life in a most unique, memorable and special way.